The Difference Between If and When
by Fueled By Dr. Pepper
Summary: It's Jake and Leah's first attempt at starting a family. Everyone other than Leah insists on staying positive. But Leah is the one who truly know the difference between chance and certainty. 1451 words.


**A/N: Background info: Mattie is Paul and Rachel Black's son.

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Leah Clearwater was hungry again. She was digging around the half full fridge of the Black household and oddly beginning to like the idea of taking the mini Hershey's bars and dipping them into peanut butter for a twist on Reese's peanut butter cups that they were out of.

"WHO ATE ALL THE STRAWBERRIES?"

Leah's voice boomed so that if the perpetrator were within ear range, he or she would pay in the form of lost hearing. She straightened up when she felt the light slap on her behind. Jacob was standing behind her, chuckling.

"You did, Lee lee. After the panini 'feast' you went on a fruit binge, remember?"

Leah muttered something like "vaguely" then started gathering items for a double-decker sandwich. Jake laughed harder this time and took some things from Leah before they tumbled to the floor.

"I've got to get a bigger capacity fridge to handle you eating like this for the rest of the pregnancy."

Leah cringed internally and looked at Jake as she grabbed the bread, "Jake, you know I don't know if I'm actually pregnant yet. Hell, this could easily be stress induced hunger."

Jacob put down the food on the counter and started rubbing her back, his gentle tone just as comforting, "Lee, please don't get too stressed, it's bad for the baby."

"If there is a baby."

Jake's hand dropped, "You honestly don't believe you're pregnant at all, do you? Are you having second thoughts or something?"

Leah stopped smearing the ketchup and mustard on her sandwich, "No. I'm just . . . well, to be honest, I feel like I'm the only one around here who's viewing this without any unrealistic ideas."

"Hope is not unrealistic, Leah."

Tears welled up in her eyes and her voice cracked a little, "And when those hopes are dashed? What would I do then?"

Jake pulled her fully into a hug, "Accept it, wait until you're ready, and try again. But if, yeah even I'm using if now, if you are then what harm would hope have done?"

Leah just shook her head and pressed herself further into Jake's embrace.

"None. But I just can't help how paranoid . . . past experiences have made me."

Jake pressed his lips to the top of Leah's head, "You can count on one thing I will not give up on this. We will have a family."

Leah inhaled deeply, "I know. But promise me you won't get hurt if we have to work on this for a while."

He hummed his agreement and whispered, "I promise," into Leah's scalp.

"When will you know for sure?"

Leah pulled back and tried to sound positive, "I'm taking the tests later and I see Carlisle on Friday."

Jake's eyebrow raised, "Tests, as in plural? And Carlisle?"

Leah moved and went back to making her sandwich, "Two tests to a box, why not double up? And Carlisle knows his shit. Especially about our kind."

Jake nodded and stole a slice of tomato as Leah assembled her sandwich, "True. But Edward's the one with abnormal births experience. He might as well be your OB/GYN."

Leah gagged and bumped her hip into Jake's. A large thump was heard. Jake had been pushed into the still open drawer he was standing near.

"Oh God, I'm sorry, Jake," Leah dropped the slice of cheese and started massaging away whatever small bruise that was already past healed on Jake's side.

"I'm fine, Lee . . . but keep on rubbing. That's feels great."

Leah scoffed but kissed him and kept her hand on his hip.

A small voice broke through the quiet exchange, "I thought you guys already made the baby."

With no wall close enough, Leah settled for bashing her head against Jake's chest. Jake laughed and looked back at Mattie, "Don't worry about it, Matt. What do you need, buddy?"

Mattie wish for a glass of juice was granted and he walked back into the living room as Leah kept her head buried in the cloth of Jake's shirt.

"How would we tell Mattie if . . ." Leah's voice drifted of into the cotton threads.

Jake rocked Leah back and forth a bit, already preparing himself for more instances of swaying and cooing, "Who says we'll have to? We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

Leah nodded and grabbed her sandwich, not waiting to get to the couch to start biting into it.

Two flimsy sticks with chemicals and urine sat on the counter with Leah's full focus on them. 90 more seconds and so many things would be different.

"Lee?" Jake couldn't hide the nervous excitement in his voice.

Leah's grave expectations had been forced back for so long but they came back with full force in her low tone, "Another minute."

"Do you guys know yet? Do I have a cousin? Can I read to him or her everyday?"

"Shh. Another minute, buddy. Can you go wait with your dad in the living room?"

Jake and Mattie exchanged anxious whispers that Leah could hear in the calm quiet of the bathroom.

_Ding._

The timer went off and Leah was frozen. Part of her needed to know. But the scared girl inside was so afraid of getting bad news.

Jacob jiggled the doorknob; this time panic was evident, "Lee?"

Leah stood and unlocked the door. She shook her head and Jake wrapped his arms around her.

"I can't read them, Jake. Please, don't make me face this alone."

Jake let out a shaky breath; he had figured that her reaction meant something else. He shifted their bodies to face the sink without letting go of Leah.

"You read left, I read right?"

Leah nodded.

"No matter what, I love you Leah."

"I love you, Jake."

Jake squeezed the hand wrapped around Leah's hip, "It's negative."

Leah was gasping and clutching onto Jake.

"Lee lee, it's okay. We'll see Carlisle tomorrow, get some good advice and try –"

"It's positive. The left one is positive."

Jake inspected the test, it was indeed positive.

"What does that mean?"

Leah was still breathing hard and shaking in Jake's arms, "I don't know. Both false positives and false negatives happen all the time."

Jake pulled Leah into the bedroom and sat her on the bed, "Baby, please, let me go with you to Carlisle tomorrow."

Leah let out a small yes before she started sobbing into Jake's shoulder.

In the Cullen house, the air was thick with more than the usual 'stench' of vampire. Situations involving pregnancy and infants always riled up the emotions of the household.

Leah couldn't even contemplate it; she was focused on keeping herself sane for what seemed to be an incredibly long wait in Carlisle's office.

It was Jake's turn to be strength for them. Alpha in blood and at heart, this would be no different. He had so much faith. He could see them already – a long list of things to buy for the new addition, the need for a larger fridge, beautiful changes in Leah's body. There was an absolute certainty to these not-yet-memories for Jake.

Leah shifted slightly, itching for something – anything – to happen. She had prepared herself well for any news, good or bad. She sat in-between Jake's legs with her back flush against his chest.

Carlisle stepped into the room and chose to stand close to the couple rather than sitting in a separate chair to deliver his results.

"Jasper has warned me to be quick and direct. Congratulations, Leah, you are pregnant."

Despite the interwoven connections between the Cullens and the pack, Leah was never one to get close to anyone beside Nessie. But so overjoyed, she jumped up and hugged Carlisle. Over the wobbly chorus of thank you's spilling from Leah, Carlisle chuckled and told Jake to prepare for a July 13th due date. Jake nodded enthusiastically and when Leah pulled away to wipe away happy tears, he embraced Carlisle.

"Keep taking care of them, Jacob. You'll be a great father."

Jacob sniffled and rubbed his face, "Thanks Carlisle. For everything."

Carlisle patted his shoulder and walked them out the door.

Back in the house, Leah glowed with the radiance of an expectant mother. There was new life in her eyes and the widest smile on her face. She fluttered around the living room pulling Jake into dancing without music. Their foreheads touched and noses brushed.

She whispered softly, "Jake, we're having a baby."

Jake kissed her gently, "I know," and moved his hand to lower abdomen.

Leah placed her hand over his and noticed that in the quiet, she could almost imagine the sound of three heartbeats slowly synchronizing.


End file.
